Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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