I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
