I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
soo... how was my night?
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