You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
