Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
