I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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