Your tits are I can't wait for
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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