Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
