You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
