Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
