When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
