I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
