my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
