did you get engaged???
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So vagazzling was a success
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
