I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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