You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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