I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
