Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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