Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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