Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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