She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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