I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
