I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
there is glitter all over my balls
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