you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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