Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
