DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
