bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
