i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
