I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
pray to the hookup gods
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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