your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i think i have two assholes
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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