my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
