It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
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Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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