R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
