i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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