It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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