I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize