God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
