Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
