He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
