I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
