On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
