2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
