I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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