just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
