we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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