I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
