I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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