guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
