Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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