Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
