Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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