I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
