Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
not ubering you a puppy
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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