he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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