Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize