Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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