who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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