i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
