You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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