I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
