Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
